Letters from the Characters
by Esmarias
Summary: Title says it all. Chalk it up to Saturday afternoon boredom. Complete
1. Group 1

_A/N 1: This was inspired by a post I saw on another fandom, who's author said that his was inspired by another post on another fandom, who's author just happened to be inspired by another post on another fandom. I honestly don't know WHO started all this, but whoever began all these letters, *snicker*, by now, he or she must have very good luck!_

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!Letters from the Characters

!Group 1: Main cast is **Bold** – Guest stars are _**Bold Italic**_

**FF Chet Kelly**

Anyone care to explain why I'm always getting the latrines? There IS such a thing as rotation, ya know! Besides, it's not as if I deserve it … all the time.

**Dr. Joe Early**

I went to the -E!- fandom, I searched under my own name, and the search engine came up with... Six? That's it? Only _six_? People, I'm a main character, too!

**FF/PM Johnny Gage**

Here's an idea: why don't I just request that somebody add a Maiming category on here? That way, everyone can stick where they hurt me in one place, and leave all the less painful ones in another. Guess which ones I'll be reading?

**Dr. Mike Morton**

Why oh why do some of you out there make me out to be such a jerk? I'm not that bad! Always...

**Bonnie**

Excuse me? Yeah, hi. I have a mistress, her name is Paula. So unless someone here made her die, it's very unlikely that people would be able to put up with me long enough for me to become their mascot; no matter HOW expensive or totally gorgeous I might be. Well, am. Got it? Great. Thanks. Moving on.

**FF Mike Stoker**

Girls. I'm pretty sure that every single story written about me is written by girls. That's... kind of disturbing...

_**Don Lockwood**_

I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain! What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again! I'm- Oh – oops! Wrong fandom! Sorry about that! Hey, Cosmo: we're on the wrong one...!

_**Cosmo Brown**_

Well, thanks, Donald! Now I can stop suffering and finally write that symphony!

**FF/PM Roy DeSoto**

Okay, people. Let's get something straight, here: My hair is RED. Capital -R-, capital -E-, capital -D-. Yep, definitely Red. Not brown, not blonde, RED! Like the engine; like the squad; like those colored LED Christmas lights! Okay, maybe not quite _that_ red. You know what? Fine – I'll let you get away with strawberry blonde. You wanna know why? 'Cause strawberries are... come on, let me hear you say it... YES! RED!

**Nurse Dixie McCall R.N.**

Does nobody find it odd that almost every time our boys are brought into the hospital (off-duty), I just _happen_ to be working? When did Rampart get short-handed? There _are_ other completely capable nurses employed here. I seem to recall one named Carol, and Daisy, and Nancy... I'm gonna have to take this up with Hospital Administration.

**Dr. Kelly Brackett**

Hold it, hold it! What _twitch_? I don't have a twitch! Do I? What? *Gasp* I do! So THAT'S how everyone knows when I'm about to hand off bad news to them – it's a dead giveaway! Okay, I get it now. Thanks for pointing that out. All the time. Much appreciated. Oh no, I'm not being sarcastic. No really, I mean it! I mean, absolutely _everybody_ reads up about it around here and then I don't have to surprise them by saying, "I've got bad news for you." Seriously, I'm probably the only guy here who _isn't_ complaining about something!

**Joanne DeSoto**

You know, you'd think that I would be jealous of all the attention my husband gives to his partner. I saw a couple of people point it out in their stories, but everyone else is like this: "Honey, I'm going camping with Johnny on my whole weekend off. Love you; Say hi to the kids for me." "Have fun, Roy! It's okay that you didn't ask my opinion first. It's totally fine that I won't get to see you until after your next shift. I don't care if you bring your partner over to eat later without telling me beforehand so that I can get the house in order. Don't get lost. I'll tell Chris – yeah, you know your 10-year-old son? – to put in the new insulation for you. Honey-do list can wait another week or so, or whenever you feel up to it. Love you too. Bye!"

**Captain Stanley**

I come bringing new meaning to the words: "The Power of Suggestion"

**Marco Lopez**

Hello. I am Marco Antonio Lopez. Someone on this fandom killed my father. Prepare to die.

…

My sister has been watching WAY too much of _The Princess Bride_...

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_A/N 2: And now what you have to decide is, 'Was the end of Marco's letter being spoken by Marco or the author?' Hmmm... Either. Or maybe both. My sister does love that movie!_

"_Guest star" refers to a person who is in no way connected to -E!- but got lost and popped up on the site._

_If you PM me a character letter, I might post it in the next group (with credit)! Note that I already used Joanne, Bonnie, Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor. Er, Don Lockwood and Cosmo Brown. They were special for this group, so I will not use them again. This is rated -K-, so please keep the letters in that rate boundary. Profanity and adult 'hints' are not allowed. Please do not suggest a guest star; I will do that on my own. ~Esmarias_


	2. Group 2

!Letters from the Characters

!Group 2: Main cast is **Bold** – Guest stars are _**Bold Italic**_

**Captain Stanley**

Okay; I don't mind being the "fatherly figure" to my men on this fandom, really I don't. But somebody _really_ took that to the extreme! Seriously? Roy, Chet, Johnny, and Marco being turned into _babies_? I think I've been scarred for life... Hey, Mike! What was the name of that psychiatrist you're seeing again? Dr. ...?

**Chris DeSoto**

Mom? I think I need a doctor. I keep forgetting my sister's name...

**FF/PM John Gage**

Oh, that's great! That's just DANDY! I can't get a decent date around here in LA County, but just about every girl who writes about me on this fandom wants to MARRY me! Where were you when I needed you?

**FF/PM Roy DeSoto**

Oh, Johnny... and here I thought **I** was your guardian angel... Now, where would you be if you didn't have either of us, hm?

**Boot**

Oh, come on, people! It's not that I hate Johnny, really it isn't! It's just that... okay, you know what, I'm a DOG - I shouldn't be able to write letters! Which is why I'm wondering how Bonnie accomplished that feat in the first place...? Wait a minute – I don't know Bonnie! How in the world am I supposed to know _Bonnie_? She is _way_ before my time.

**Dr. Joe Early**

Hey look! That guy's a neurosurgeon! Neurosurgeons must be good for SOMETHING on this fandom! Don't you think so? Yeah, I think so!

**Dr. Mike Morton**

You think YOU'VE got it bad, Joe? Try putting MY name in the search engine! Yeah, that's right – I beat you by three.

**Dr. Kel Brackett**

Well, I don't mean to gloat, BUT, I guess I am the more famous of us doctors, here; right guys? Yep – _thirty-two_. Oh, yeah; I'm all that!

**Nurse Dixie McCall R.N.**

All right, boys; cut it out up there. We've got more important things to discuss. Such as, why do people have me hogging the call station? Hey, O'Brien? Yeah, I've got something else we need to work out down here. You want me to come UPSTAIRS this time? Yeah; okay, fine. Joe, Mike... Kel: _Behave._

**Chet Kelly**

Everyone's always picking on me! I make terrible coffee. I make terrible meals. I always get latrines. I never get a good girlfriend. And in a couple of fics, _I die_! What's up with that, huh? Who would really hate me so much that they'd kill me? Gage, put your hand down.

_**Ensign Pavel Chekov**_

Nyet, computer! Nyet! I told you to go to th- vait, Johnny? Johnny GAGE? Hey, I know you! I see you at the hair stylists on Saturdays!

_**Captain Kirk**_

Mr. Chekov, is there something you would like to share with the rest of us? No, I didn't think so. Get off the computer and resume course, warp factor 2.

**FF Marco Lopez**

You'd think I'd be scared to be the friend of a Phantom...

**FF Mike Stoker**

Okay – we all get it. I don't talk a lot. That's no reason to pick on a guy when he says more than three sentences at a time. Oh, and Cap, his name is Dr. Sweets. Dr. Lance Sweets.

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_A/N: I'm still open to people sending me their own credited (main cast) letters - just in case anybody's interested! ~Esmarias_


	3. Group 3

!Letters from the Characters

!Group 3: Main cast is **Bold** – Guest stars are _**Bold Italic**_

!Credited pen names are _**Bold+Italic+Underlined**_ and found at the end of the letter(s) to which they generously contributed their creativity.

**Nurse Dixie McCall R.N.**

Love would have been nice. Marriage too. But I guess I'm too much of my own person to give up what I know I'm good at to fulfill someone else's version of what my life should be. Maybe someday women won't be expected to make impossible choices – or work impossible shifts. And WHO had me hooking up with Michael Stoker? I was _so_ meant for Chet! … KIDDING, kidding! Geesh, can't you people take a joke? (_Thanks __**jmss7**__!)_

**FF Mike Stoker**

You wanna know why I'm so quiet? 'Cause I work with a bunch of guys who take up a lot of air space! Seriously, fellas... a little elbow room here, por favor? _(Thanks __**jmss7**__!)_

**FF Marco Lopez**

I think I've been dealt a pretty good hand. And my mustache is definitely the best. ... No, mama, I'm not being prideful! But mama... _(Thanks __**jmss7**__!)_

**FF/PM Johnny Gage**

Yeah, Marco: fate dealt you a hand – but I'm pretty sure it regularly deals me a fist. Okay, so I'm not dead (yet) – just concussed... again. Man, my brain must be jello from all the banging around it gets! I'm pretty sure that the folks of this fandom are the ones that that song was written for: "_You Always Hurt the One You Love_". Come on, people: gimme a break here, will ya? _(Thanks__** jmss7 **__& __**Avirra**__!)_

**Dr. Mike Morton**

Emergency medicine is developing at the perfect rate for me. I know I've got issues – nobody comes from a background like mine without them. But this stuff I'm learning, that we're doing... it's addictive, man! That adrenaline rush when something comes out at you from left field, when seconds make all the difference... yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! But get out of my way and let me do my thing. Otherwise, I'm just gonna roll right over you. No offense; that's just the way it is. _(Thanks __**jmss7**__!)_

**Dr. Joe Early**

Ah, Morton? I'd think that it'd be kind of hard for YOU to roll over someone when it's that someone who's writing YOUR character. (Unless you're talking about Gage, of course – but he usually avoids you as best he can anyways.) Now a question: do I need to jump off the top of Rampart to get noticed around here? Or if I do that, will y'all just be like the characters in that "_Clue_" movie?

Colonel Mustard: *Checks parking lot* "Just checking."

Mrs. Peacock: Everything all right?

Colonel Mustard: Yep – Joe Early's corpse. Everything's fine.

_**Officer Jim Reed**_

I don't know how I could've made that kind of mistake... again!

_**Officer Pete Malloy**_

One-Adam-12, roger. Hey, Reed! Quit meesin' around on the computer and get in the car! We've got a 211 in progress at the bank!

**FF Chet Kelly**

It's not as if I enjoy other people's misery – really, it isn't. I would never intentionally hurt someone – not even my pigeon. See, I like jokes. I happen to think that they're good for what ails ya, especially in the type of work that me and the guys do. I can't help it if one of my colleagues gives better value than the others. But, I mean really – you'd think that after all this time the next generation would have come up with a few pranks better than water bombs! Oh, sure, sometimes you heard about different pranks or even caught the Phantom setting up a water bomb during the show, but come on, people! A little creativity here would be welcomed and much appreciated. _(Thanks __**jmss7**__!)_

**Dr. Kelly Brackett**

Why is it that everyone but me has had sick leave at least once? What, have I got the perfect immune system or something? Excluding that monkey virus I got once, you know, I work around sick people day in and day out. I got stung by that catfish once, but I never actually left Rampart to go home and rest because of it. Other than those couple 'a times, I've never gotten sick! Why? I mean seriously: I've been sneezed on, coughed on, ralphed on, picked on, kicked on, spit at, yelled at, even hit by a gangster once! You'd think that after all that and the stresses of the job that I might at least catch a cold or something once in a while, but _no_...

**Captain Stanley**

Sometimes someone really gets it – the weight of the responsibility. I've got two families: one at home and one at station 51. I won't tell you which takes the most parenting; especially when one of the guys rubs someone else the wrong way, or someone gets up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, or the Phantom chooses to pull the wrong prank on the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time – especially after bad runs. And of course, being the Captain, I have to set a good example. Try not to get cranky, unless someone really deserves it... keep a good balance between intimidating and welcoming – open door policy, you know... I have to do all that with my own kids, too. But I love it. It's a part of who I am, and I wouldn't change it for the world. _(Thanks __**jmss7**__!)_

**FF/PM Roy DeSoto**

I know I'm a pretty good guy, but seriously: I am so tired of carrying around that supposed 'adult' man – I'm father, brother, nursemaid, mother hen, babysitter, conscience... I mean, c'mon! We're not married to each other – we WORK together. Besides, I'm already married to Joanne. Didn't any of you guys read her letter in Group 1? I gotta pay some attention to her, too, you know – she's my wife, for cryin' out loud! Yeah, it's great that me and Johnny get along and we're friends and all that, but seriously! Can't a man go to the bathroom without worrying if his partner is going to stub a toenail? _(Thanks __**jmss7**__!)_

**FF/PM/Ambulance Attendee (?) Dwyer**

Yeah... so, I like that people have me in some of their stories. I'm not complaining. In fact, this letter isn't to the authors; it's to the writers of the show. Speaking for some of the authors on this fandom, I don't think it's really fair that you guys left us all wondering what my first name was. Was I an ambulance attendee? A paramedic? Was my name Charlie or Tom? I really wish you fellas would have made up your minds way back when. It would have made _my_ life a whole lot easier! Whenever either the ambulance company or fire department needs someone to come in for OT, they call my number, but then they don't know what to call me other than Dwyer!

"Hey, uh... Dwyer... Tom, right?"

"No actually, last time I checked, I'm pretty sure they switched my name back to Charlie again."

"Oh. Sorry."

"That's all right. But I'm sorry I can't work overtime for ya."

"Why not?"

"Because the writers moved me from being an ambulance attendee back to being a paramedic again. Sorry, pal."

"Oh... okay, I guess. Hey, but look on the bright side: with your luck they'll switch you back again in no time! And who knows: maybe they'll switch your name back to 'Tom' while they're at it, too!"

"I sure hope so. I just wanna settle down some. Those fickle writers have me hopping around identities and professions worse than Gage when he dates the different nurses at Rampart!"

**Henry**

Yep; I admit it: I'm lazy. Lazy enough to... *yawn*... ask Herbert to type up this letter for me while I take a little snooze on the Captain's lap. Hey Herbert, watch out: Chet's right behind-

…

you.

…

Well: can't say I didn't warn him.

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_A/N: I'm still open to people sending me their own credited (main cast) letters - just in case anybody's interested! ~Esmarias_


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